trying to figure out ways to pay tuition, drug dealing definitely came up in conversation. I have to say, I have thought about it. I had a friend who did it (not at my school though). and who would suspect a girl who lives in the healthy living floor? plus i’m small and inconspicuous. and then my friend reminded me about the 10 crack commandments.
1. Never let no one know how much dough you hold.
2. Never let em know your next move.
3. Never trust nobody.
4. Never get high on your own supply.
5. Never sell no crack where you rest at.
6. That God damn credit, dead it.
7. Keep your family and business completely seperated.
8. Never keep no weight on you.
9. If you ain’t gettin bags stay the fuck from police.
10. A strong word called consignment, if you ain’t got the clientele say hell no.
thanks biggie.
(ps i totally have a midterm tomorrow.)
You ever feel like you’re just going through the motions, trying to get everything done with the little time you have, and just get really jaded? At the same time, I have this overwhelming and irrational fear that something bad is going to happen. I realize this is completely absurd to even think, but it keeps coming up. I keep thinking something might happen to my father, and while I haven’t heard anything bad from my mom, I just can’t seem to shake the feeling.
My father and I don’t talk when I’m at school. He’s only ever called me three times when I’ve been up here in Boston, and two of those times were because he wanted me to do something I was completely unwilling to do. And while I know maybe I should be the one to break the silence, we just don’t have that kind of relationship. We’re usually fine, but I left home in late August in the midst of an argument we had, and even when I went home for the long weekend, we barely spoke. It’s not that I don’t care about him, we’re just two hardheaded individuals unwilling to apologize because we both think we’re right. But yet, I keep thinking how he’s getting much older—he’s 67—and he’s still working full time and working overtime and not exactly the healthiest of people. And it scares me. It scares me to death to think that something might happen to him while I’m over 200 miles away. And I’m not sure what to do about it.
you suck it the fuck up and go out.
This is the problem with women. You don’t understand the usefulness of anger. Society tries to force you to swallow it down like a good little girl because if you’re angry you’re a bitch and if you’re a bitch no one will love you. Well I say that’s nonsense…
so I lost my favorite pen last friday. yeah i was/still am upset. probably more upset than at what happened last weekend. i’ve replaced it by now, but it’s just not the same.
sooo midterms went well, i’m sure i didn’t fail, which is nice, and i realized my application wasn’t due tonight, and my night class was actually relatively interesting, but sad. my professor told a really upsetting story that came kind of out of nowhere and it kind of depressed me but it makes me a bit hopeful that after that happened to him, he overcame it and is doing fine now.
i’m going to bed soon. yeah, it’s 12:30. yeah i’m in college. yeah i’m 20. i don’t give a fuck. i need sleep.
It is unerringly human to want to know that someone is thinking about you when you are not around.
